just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
