if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
