After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
