before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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