He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
