Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
