There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
