So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
