That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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