So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
