Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
