oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
