The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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