Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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