Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
