she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
