You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
