honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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