I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
