I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
