She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
