Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
