You can't special order awesome
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
