I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
