is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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