My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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