I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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