I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
