i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
