I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
