You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
