8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
