he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
