"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
