I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
