dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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