"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
