Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
