Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
