I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
