it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
