I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
