Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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