she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
