WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
