just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
