Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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