Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
