just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
