Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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