Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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