The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
