i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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